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The Right Answer to the Wrong Question

I am often deeply moved by the client’s feelings about food “I cannot live without this food” and about the fear of other people’s opinion “What will they think of me? I can’t weigh and measure there!”  He said, “Ok, here we go again, back on another crazy diet” And she asked, “Can’t you have just one? I made them special for you”

One of the things we notice is that when we change, other people are often asked to accommodate our changes, or need to change their own behavior, or are faced with behaviors they should change, or are inconvenienced by our behavior, or do not believe the restrictions are necessary or appropriate.

Have you heard of codependence? This is a term that describes a relationship where you allow someone else to push your buttons. In the book, “Waking Up Just in Time”, Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski, M.D. says ”Rather than determining your own course in life, you react to another person’s behavior, essentially allowing that person to manipulate your actions…. it can occur in any situation where you surrender your own thinking and your own decision-making to someone else. “

Sixty-five percent of America is overweight and obese. Obesity is the symptom, the cause, or the result of some other problem. Dealing with your food issues, whatever they are, is the best way to lead yourself to a state of health and well-being……. And a normal body weight.

And people who do not have issues with food and eating, usually don’t have issues with what you eat!

So, set yourself up for success and good feelings. Call back your power. Taking care of yourself and your body is the most important thing you need to do. Being whole and in your inner core of wisdom is what will make you able to be available for the relationships and the growth you want and need.

Change the words you say to yourself and others about food. When you say, “I am not allowed” or “I need to give up….”, that puts you in a submissive, harassed, abused state of mind. When you say things like, “I realized I am allergic to” “I no longer eat…”  “I decided to stay off …. for a while” “I decided to kick …. out of my food plan” or just “No, not today, thank you” now you are in control. Now this is your choice and you have the power.

You have the right to choose what foods you will put in your body. Unfortunately, the least nutritious foods are the ones that may seem most attractive to you, and you may need to avoid them even though you would like to eat them.

No one can protect you from the consequences of your eating behavior. You have choices of what foods you eat, but once you eat them, you have no control over what they do in your body.

When we change our behavior to please others and hurt ourselves in the process, that again is called codependence. You have the right to choose your own feelings and behavior, and you are allowed to eat the foods your body needs.

Now I have written a lot in this series about preparing and planning your exposure to the addictive and processed foods and those that will hurt you. I have written about paying attention to what you say to others, to be appropriate and to honor your relationships with those people. I have one more conversation example that I will share now. It is serious and I hope you will find it just a bit funny. And I hope you will see my point about effective boundaries.

All purpose answers to “Have some of this food.”

No thank you.

I’m not eating ___________________ this month.

No thank you.

I know you worked really hard to make it just for me, and I’m sure it’s excellent, but I’m not ready to eat it right now.

No thank you.

I gave it up for (Lent?, Passover?, the last month) and it felt so good I decided to keep going.

No thank you.

I’m working with this really weird nutritionist and she wants me to stay off ___________ for right now.

No thank you.

And the way I’ve lost it is by not eating ________________

No thank you.

I love you dearly; you’re my favorite (aunt? uncle? cousin) but I’m not going to eat that now.

No thank you.

It was delicious but I’m full.

No thank you.

I’ve had enough.

No thank you.

You’re putting that on the wrong plate; I’m not eating it.

No thank you.

Why is it so important to you that I eat this?

No thank you.

What part of “No thank you” did you not understand?

I hope you have enjoyed this series.

Blessings to you,



3 Responses to The Right Answer to the Wrong Question

  1. Janet Pierce May 10, 2022 at 11:02 am #

    YES, thank you

  2. Madeline Weber May 10, 2022 at 11:46 am #

    Good Morning Theresa
    Woke up this blog
    I feel so blessed to have read this
    You summed it up so well
    And had the most healthy responses I have ever
    Thx this is a keeper !!!!

    • H. Theresa Wright May 19, 2022 at 1:21 pm #

      Thank you! Gls you like it!

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