Here are several conversations some people have with themselves, with family, and with friends. Do they sound familiar?
The Lady In My Head
Sometimes it feels like there is another person who lives in my brain; she talks to me and often says rude things. Once in a while, she has a good suggestion, but 99% of the time, she is angry and insulting. Mostly I need to tell her to go away and be quiet. But once in a while, her incredible attention to detail and her perfectionism, can help me.
One of my clients sent me this letter. She has had a voice (a person) who speaks in her brain for a long time. The client is fed up with listening to her hurtful bad advice. We spoke with some other trusted people, then decided this is too good not to share with you.
To the Lady who lives the in my Brain:
Before I will listen to your opinion:
I want proof that you have had a job,
have paid any of my bills,
or rent for your own home.
I want proof you have positively benefitted:
my other relationships.
Lady, I want proof that you have helped me to:
eat foods that nourish and heal my body and soul,
follow the healthy food plans I’ve wanted to eat,
encouraged me to reach out for help before I harmed myself with food,
to follow the directions of the trained professionals that I have hired and paid.
Lady, I want proof that you have helped advance my professional life:
Helped me to meet my goals, dreams, and desires.
Lady, until you give me this proof, beyond the shadow of a doubt, you have no say in my life. You may just shut up.
I’m sure we all; have these voices within us, who are not the “real” us. They may come from fear, abuse, childhood trauma, or nowhere at all. We get her under control by tiny daily choices.
So, I challenge you this week to:
eat a vegetable you have never eaten before; tell me what you think of it.
Tell me how you kept her out of your food choices this week; I will publish some next week.
Food vs Family
It is a beautiful spring day. Abstinence and recovery are going well for five months and I decide
to visit Mother. I walk into a picture-perfect house filled with all the wonderful aroma of food. I
feel the comfort and love of all those favorite foods and immediately start to feel doubt.
Mom: OH! I’m so glad you are here! I made everything you like and can eat.
Marian: OH! That was so nice, but I told you not to do that; I brought my own lunch.
Mom: OK, we can have it for dinner.
Marian: Thank you, it looks great.
Mom: OH! I did make biscotti and I just want you to taste one.
Marian: Mom – you know I do not eat baked goods.
Mom: But you love these. If you just treat yourself today it’s not going to be the end of the world. I can’t believe you. My mother used to make them for us when we were sick and said they were good because they gave you strength. Come on, look at them, aren’t they nice? – I think they are really good this time.
Marian: Mom, I understand that you are trying to be good to me, but you just will never get it! Can we have tea and fruit instead?
Mom: OK, I bought grapes for you.
Marian: I have my apple.
Mom: Try these; they _are so sweet! Take them home with you.
Marian: OK, Mom you win.
Going home I ate the whole bag of grapes. 2 years ago, I ate the whole can of biscotti and threw it
up on the street on way the home.
Food vs Friends
It is noontime and lunch is packed and ready to eat – in the company of social acquaintances. I unpack my salad – I feel noticed, embarrassed, and uncomfortable.
Friend: What is that?
Marian: My lunch.
Friend: You made your lunch!!!!!!
Friend 2: You eat all of that!!!!!!
Friend 3: Is that the Atkins Diet?
Marian: No, I am not a diet.
Friend: I used to go on the Atkins diet all of the time and I gained 40lbs.
Marian: It is not a diet – I just eat healthy
Friend: No wonder she is so skinny- She always eats these great salads.
Friend 2: Make me one when we play golf again and OH let me have taste of this one. You make the best lunches I have ever seen. How do you find the time?
Friend 3: I heard that you never eat flour and sugar. I would never want to deprive myself like that! I could never give up Pizza!!!!!!
Marian: I really feel so good. It is worth the rewards.
Friend: It is unnatural to torture yourself like that, you can certainly treat yourself- My God look at you.
Friend 2: Yeah – You look anorexic!
Marian: Well – maybe I am. If I start on certain foods like chocolate, for instance, I simply cannot stop.
Friend 3: I think I have that problem also.
Marian: Can we golf now?
Blessings to you,