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Change Can Be PAINFUL!

One of the scariest things I ever do is make a major change in my behavior. This terrifies me. I do not see how others say, “O I just made up my mind and did it. It was fine.” This does not compute for me.

And when the changes are not my choice, that is worse than awful. I am faced with the lack of control, lack of power, and lack of choice!

And then I need to make the change.

That is what is happening in my life this month.

It is September and the temperature here is about 95 degrees. It is customary in our lives to have changes happen in this month, and that is very true for me this year. It is the beginning of a whole group of changes, some wanted, prayed for, and welcomed, some, well – not so much.

And changes often bring grief, sorrow, sadness, regret. These are feelings. And feelings are neither right or wrong or good or bad. They simply are. If we resist change and use the food or other drugs to push down the feelings, we get to “wear” them or “use” them.  The point is that change happens, and most of the time it brings with it something good that we want, need or can use to make the life we have dreamed of.

Our focus is our choice!!! We can choose to focus on the good, the bad, or the ugly. We can draw into our lives just about anything we want if we can stay focused on it long enough and directly enough. But one of the things we need most is support. We need people to teach us how to do what we want and how to create the lives we want. On my own, I am sunk. It is hopeless. With the right support I can create a life I love!

The following paragraph is one of the most powerful and supportive communications I have ever read. I do not know who wrote it or where it came from. (If you do, please tell me so I can give credit!) It is precious to me.

You have been thinking, praying, and talking about wanting to “deal with the food.”  Now the feelings are coming up. They feel horrible, you are crying, having trouble thinking, breathing.  This is the time that you would reach for your “standby” drug or actions. This is where you do ANYTHING to stop the pain that the feelings are causing. All you can think about is how to change something, anything, go back to the “old ways” to feel better. I know it is hard. Stay the course. Deal with the feelings; it will not be easy, take it one step at a time. Journal, talk to yourself, your sponsor, use your coping skills. Use the list of ways to self-care, ground yourself, talk a walk, cry, scream, yell, focus on a to do list, or list out your feelings. You have a strong support system that won’t let you fall or fail. Lean on them. They are your trusted advisors and support system for a reason – they care about you!  Remember, what you are feeling are feelings, they are not as strong as you are, they cannot kill you! You have this! Remember your success rate for getting through “rough days” is 100%.

And Walt Hampton’s latest blog ( goes even further:

“There is a different way.

 But it requires that you become a control freak.

 That’s right, a control freak: someone who takes control of their lives!

 No one else is gonna do it for you. You’ve gotta do it for yourself.

 And this means that you need a bit of courage and audacity.

 I know. I live it too. Bombarded by unceasing demands and expectations in every area of our lives. Inundated by inputs. Juggling multiple modalities of communication. Over committed and suffused with the anxiety of dropping the ball.

 But here’s the truth: the in-box will always be full. None of us will ever get it all done. If you died tomorrow, you’d be replaced.

 So why not pay attention to what truly matters?

 So here are some practices to consider before September gets too crazy:

 Decide what really, really matters to you. Spend time on that. Get rid of the rest.

  • Get really good at saying no; if you find yourself saying you “should” do something, you probably shouldn’t.
  • Carve out time for yourself – every single day. No one else is going to do it for you.
  • Get up an hour early and enjoy the quiet. Use it to read and write and meditate and create.
  • Plan your weeks; and plan each day; actually schedule in the time for the things that matter most to you.
  • Turn off the TV at night and focus on the life you really want.”

What will matter will be the experiences you have had, the love you have shared, the lives you have touched.  What will matter will be whether you showed up in each and every moment to know the fullness and the joy of your life.

 It is time for me to start focusing on a life I can enjoy. It is time for me to start enjoying the life I am creating. That’s my September commitment.  How about you?

You have made it through 100% of the “rough days”! So have I. We can do this together.

Blessings to you,


4 Responses to Change Can Be PAINFUL!

  1. Gail Parsons September 13, 2023 at 12:55 pm #

    A powerful and thought provoking message that is encouraging. I will keep this message on my phone not just for September but for all those times I need an extra push to keep making the changes I know I need to make. Thank you for sharing this.

    • H. Theresa Wright September 13, 2023 at 3:38 pm #

      Wonderful! I am so glad it was helpful! You may want to check out Walt Hampton’s blogs; he does a lot like this that inspire me!

  2. Mary B. September 13, 2023 at 8:56 pm #

    Theresa: Thank you for this message! It seems so essential and well-written. I’ve printed it off so I can review and think about it when I have a bit of time for reflectoin.,

    • H. Theresa Wright September 14, 2023 at 12:37 am #

      Mary, I am so glad that you like it! Glad you saved it! For me self care means planning time for reflection and meditation. I hope you are indulging yourself this way on a regular basis! Some days it is really hard to do, for me!

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